It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i came on her dog
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Randomize
