I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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