you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
