The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
