Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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