my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
