a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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