i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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