I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
