During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
