I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
