Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
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