Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize