Buhtt sex?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
