apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
