He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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