Capitaan dildo arrescate!
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
