I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
