I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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