its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
a search helicopter?!
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
