Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
