Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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