i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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