Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
