i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
