on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
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As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
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Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
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