The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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