I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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