but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
