How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
where are my eyebrows?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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