Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
