I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
