when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
