Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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