I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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