I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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