Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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