There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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