and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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