Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
