my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
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when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
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Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I pour the whiskey from now on
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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