ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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