You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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