Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
