Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
