I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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