ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
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You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
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literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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