I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
