okay pat passed out under dana's car
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
