I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
