And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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