I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
