Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
