And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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