Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
