Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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