These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
