just tell him i said nine months
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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