Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you traded sex for a burrito?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
