So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
