Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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