well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
