An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. đź’€
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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