Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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