It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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