Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
