I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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