I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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